elrond angry

(no subject)

Dear idiotic, slutty, bohemian, suspiciously Japanese elves who have invaded my home,

GET OUT. And take the pink-haired dictator with you. And stop having sex on my furniture. And stop hitting on Elrohir. If you not a horse or his sister, he's probably not interested.

Cordially,

Lord Elrond Peredhil
elrond hi!

this is the poetic bit

Sweet-smelling angel of light and joy that thou art, my sparrow (wow I'm good)--

Wake me up when he leaves. And scoot over.


--your own devoted hunka hunka burning luv, Elrond

PS: Obviously we are the funniest thing in Arda, thereby justifying everything we do. YAY!!
elrond naked with gilly

(no subject)

Darling pet,

Don't be an idiot. Would I really allow my only daughter (besides Butch, of course) to marry someone with pink hair? My descendants would look like a band of silly Japanese musicians! And anyway, I get the impression that this fellow is gayer than Truman Capote on a sugar rush. And yet evil. Kind of sexy actually.

.. :)

You realize this is kind of spammy, of course.

Love and schnuggles,
Zlotrond
elrond confused

(no subject)

Dear Beloved Clone,

Hi! How are you, blossom? I miss you. It seems like ages since you "went for a walk." But, silly me, it's only been three months.

Uh. II? Where are you? Are you mad at me? Or have you been kidnapped by a band of randy dwarves? In either case, come home this instant! We can work it out!

Though I am concerned by your absence, as are the children (I assume--Arwen and Elrohir seldom emerge from their--yes, their--bedroom these days, and I think Elladan is dead), that is not my only reason for penning this letter.

You see, Rivendell has been taken over by a pink-haired elven miscreant named Rumil. I have no idea how he has done this, seeing as how I am a Proud Elf Lord who fought in the Last Alliance and stuff, whereas his arms resemble toothpicks that have gone on diets. But, uh, he has done so. And I am very distubed.

Please come home; I am all alone. Erestor appears to have gone on some sort of vacation, which he claimed was in his contract, but I'm not positive he knows how to read, so I am suspicious. I miss you, and all the good times we had together, and my home not being in the possession of an effeminate twerp. What if he tries to take advantage of me? Me, your beauteous fiancee? Would you be able to LIVE WITH THE GUILT? What if I decided I liked that kind of thing and joined some riffraff-laden acting troupe in order to get my jollies? Would you like that? Now come home right now so we can get things back to normal.

As always, I love you oodles and miss those nights I spent snuggled up against your gigantic yet sexy ass.

In distress,
Your loving Rondie
  • Current Music
    someone talking about 'lailai'
elrond confused

(no subject)

II had the baby!



It's not mine. The baby. It's Sauron's. My manbride slept with Sauron. How am I supposed to feel about this? I don't know. It looks as if Mr. Dark Lordypants is going to take little Boo anyway. But...I wanted so much to be a good father, just this once...

Well, screw that. II AND I ARE GOING ON VACATION TO MODERN EARTH! Oooh, baby! I want to go to Disney World. II II can we go? Can we? Can we? Can we?
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    crying
elrond angry

(no subject)

...

Yes, Elrond is STILL in labor.

What is this, day five?! I have never heard so much whining in my life. He's so doped up that heroin is dripping out of his pupils. He begs Elrohir to tell him stories, which all begin with "And this one time, when I was going down on Faxy..." He keeps demanding footrubs from me. HE SHOULD NOT LOOK FOR FOOTRUBS! THEY HAVE FORSAKEN THESE LANDS! MOSTLY BECAUSE HIS FEET STINK LIKE MORGOTH'S DINGLEBERRIES!

But we're in love, so.

Um, Ms. Ann is here. :) She's so cute with her circular saw, like a button or similar.

Fingolfin is here. That is why I am hiding and typing this from the pantry. I hope he thinks eating--much like sleeping, bathing, and not maiming your terrified descendants--is for pansies.
elrond shocked

(no subject)

Um! Um! II is in labor, I think. That or he's trying to pass a large grapefruit. omgiamsonervous BUT HAPPY we are going to have another baby in the house!!

For the love of Eru, we need aid. Midwifes can apply with the little mother's handy form, okay? And I think he could use a little emotional support, too. Not only is, uh, Fingolfin coming, apparently, it's going to be a natural childbirth. Yeah. So visitors are welcome, with the exception of dwarves, hobbits, unapproved men, Feanoreans, Thingol, Morgoth, the ghost of our wife, or muns who just want a peek at Elrond's naughty bits, and believe me, we are SO on to you, Kielle.

...ERESTOR get the tennis balls!!1
  • Current Music
    assorted wailings